New low: just hacked my moms facebook
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
pray to the hookup gods
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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