I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
