I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
