whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize