yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
