So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
