I heard we made out
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
