So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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