We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
