I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
