The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
