i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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