4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
