i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
