who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
