If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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