he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
