I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
