my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
