Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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