Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
