You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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