Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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