thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
