I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We need to feng shui this bitch.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
