dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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