You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
3 2 1 whiskey
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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