I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My pussy is not your playground.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize