We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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