The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize