isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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