Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
