I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize