Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
