And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
