so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
