It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
