have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
