Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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