ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
