guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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