yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
