I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
