I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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