and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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