this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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