I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize