Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
