I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
