I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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