Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
