does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You smell like stripper and shame
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
