operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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