he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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