I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
