dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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