Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
