Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
