2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
