I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to make out with him forever
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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