There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
