I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
