He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
