He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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