I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize